Ash Wednesday (22nd February)

So, after my coffee at the Libertie, I went to my first Mass for a very long time.

It wasn't an ordinary Mass.

Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the liturgical calendar for the year, the beginning of Lent, marking the start of Jesus' 40 days in the desert, and culminating in the celebration of  His resurrection at Easter.
It is about repentance, so - perfect for me, because I wanted to go to reconciliation, before I participated in Mass again...but on the day, my heart was so full of gratitude at not having cancer, that I jumped on the opportunity to go, and give my thanks and feel His presence within the Church.

To my surprise, the church was nearly full. All sorts :) I didn't grow up in the Catholic Church, but became one at 23, so I have this weird double sense of something discovered new, and of returning home, when I'm even near a church, and I felt it again, as I knelt and listened to a woman reciting the "Hail Mary'.

"Hail Mary, full of Grace,
the Lord is with thee,
blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and
at the hour of our death,
Amen".

Catholics say this prayer, as a meditation and a communion with Mary,
some asking for help, or with someone in mind, it is a familial practise, and one I have kept
despite my estrangement from the Church for all these years.

Mary is a distinct spiritual presence, she is with the Lord, close to God, and cares

for me like an earthly mother, her Yes to God was total during her life on Earth,

and she is the perfect Christian, the very first, I feel sorry for all who shun her.

Another surprise was that the words to the liturgy came to my lips effortlessly J

So much like coming home! I’d heard it before, felt it in strange countries with different customs during the Mass (eg here we shake hands when we offer each other peace, in the Phillipines everyone hugged and kissed each other! I’ve been told in Africa, when the wafer becomes the body of Christ, they break out in dancing and singing, here we go into silence)

but it was a happy personal revelation to me, that day.

The priest spoke about the readings, the spirit of giving so that the right hand does not know what the left is doing.  About hypocrisy, and that fasting meant denying the senses, it has to be a sacrifice, or it has no meaning, and if you miss a meal, you give the money you save, to someone who needs it.

The no-meat rule isn't really a sacrifice anymore, for a lot of people, so the emphasis has changed to any denial of satisfying one of the senses, that has personal meaning, it could even be tv watching.

I've loved the ash being crossed on my forehead before, and on this return, it was no different, we all walked up to the priest, or the acolyte

and saying

'Repent, and believe in the Gospel'

the priest drew a cross on my forehead in ash.

I'm not going to tell you about Communion, it is a pearl I'll keep to myself, I can't wait to receive it again..

And so, I am once again a practising Catholic, it's hard for even me to believe, but - there it is :)