Kalamity Kool wrote:
Stormson wrote:
Things will never be the same again hun.. Like I said, you'll be ok... you'll adjust.. But the disorientation you feel is because there is a PART of you that ISNT a part of all this now... You are one of a few who walk with one foot here and one foot elsewhere... you CANNOT 'forget" it, trust me on this, I worked long and hard trying to do JUST that... but its wasted time, because it will NOT work, it CANNOT work, because in the end, it has become a part of our make up. It isnt going to go away... YOU have to learn to work WITH this new part of yourself is all...And, as i said, its OK.. Its DIFFERENT... But its cool...just CHILL and learn.
Again... PM me if ya want or need to...
kalamity kool wrote:
Hi, thanks for your replies.
I am a bit lost, I do want to live, I do enjoy many things,
its just something is missing, that was there,
and I feel terribly sad.
Despite knowing death better.
The future bothers me, I think, it seems to stretch on in such
struggle
I don't have the energy for it that sustained me before, or something..
Stormson wrote:
ALL of that is totally normal hun... For one thing, your BODY is still healing so try to remember that ok? It actually CAN end up being a little hard to sometimes, so sometimes you have to make the conscious EFFORT to remember that you do indeed still exist in a physical body for now, and that body NEEDS looking after... i tell you this up front because for all the "weight" that comes along with some knowing, there are also some revelations that will begin to open up to you shortly that will be JUST as light and energetic... When THAT happens, YOU are responsible for maintaining yourself just the same... And for all the "ecstatic wonder" that can be experienced, KEEP in mind that you JUST DIED lady! You are NOT 100% yet, ok???
Now... All that being said.. Yes, there is a sadness that you will ALWAYS feel from now on... There simply is no getting out of that... BUT, take heart dear one... YOU feel a sadness that is only temporary... Now that you fully see and KNOW, ask yourself this one question... "Will I still feel this way 100 years from now? How about 1000? or 10,000?" Now that you KNOW you will still ~BE~ in 10,000 years... Does that sadness today really seem such a burden???
Our sadnesses are of equal "weight" right now... But mine is different from yours... Be thankful for that hun. i tell you what i am about for a reason.. hear it out. Mine is because i have SEEN, first hand, who i am, and where I belong..At least for a time.... But i have received this temporary reprieve for the time being... Frankly, I have NO idea why... I know that it was, literally, the hand of the Father Himself that physically dragged me UP from where I was... I killed myself you see... i couldnt even afford a sidearm at the time, so i ate a half a bottle of my grandmothers nitro tablets and a whole bottle of my own muscle relaxers.. Yes i was quite dead, and yes, everything you have heard about suicides going to "hell' is equally true. In fact... it seems there is a specific PART of hell reserved solely FOR suicides.. Maybe one day, if we stay in contact, I will discuss with you... tell you.. About that place. But that is NOT for today... Today i let you know this for one reason and one reason only.. To explain YOUR sadness to YOU.
See.. Now that you maybe able to se and understand just how deep, and real, an eternal sadness CAN be... I want you to understand from that position that YOUR sadness is, wonderfully enough, 180 degrees OPPOSITE from mine... YOUR weight and sadness is because you are back HERE.. and HERE will never be "there"... Do you see? The wondrous JOY of where YOU where, just like the stark terror of where I was, cannot even be wholly held onto, consciously, in your physical form... Your SUB conscious still remembers however.. and always will.. your waking mind however has other priorities it MUST deal with.. if it allowed itself to recall the totality of what your spirit now knows... well.. it basically would never be able to get anything else DONE except to think of it ya see??
Now... There IS a danger here.. As I pointed out, regardless of what ANY, well meaning, "new age" friend may TELL you, 'up' is NOT the only direction... I think that even before i explained my situation, a part of you now already knew that yes?
This "sadness".. it is a GIFT to you.. A reminder of WHO and WHAT you truely are... But do NOT collapse yourself into it! Do NOT allow it to 'drag you down"... Not now, and not EVER... because, as i think you know, if you attempt to "help it along".. try to "hurry things"... try to get BACK to that place your not quite ready for yet... You will end up locking yourself OUT of it.. As I did. As much as you may WISH to get back to this place... It isnt GOING anyplace do you understand? If you get there 10 minutes from now, or 10,000 years from now, it doesnt MATTER.. it is ETERNAL.. And you will reach it when you are READY... Your path NOW, lies in FRONT of you, not back there...You MUSt wal;k it through to ITS own end.. ok?
There is SO much more for us to discuss... IF you so wish.. But, for now, i have typed allot.. and you have read allot... and as i may have mentioned, you JUST DIED lady... take it all in.. slowly... and take it easy for awhile ok? You are responsible for that skin suite your walking around in... Take CARE of IT for awhile, and get back to me when, and if, you are ready...
Namaste.
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Thankyou! I understand perfectly what you are saying, and it is also just what I needed to hear, I will absorb it gradually, and would love to talk to you more about it, maybe a private forum is a good idea, but I'm ok with pm's here, too.
For now, I think I quite like the personal one-on-one, I'm a bit impatient with the OBE/Astral stuff, but I'm sure I'll recover my acceptance of people where they're at soon enough..
Before this happened to me, I would have thought something like that would make me glow for the rest of my life, so I guess I've been feeling like there's a wrong part of me, that I'm ungrateful and a chronic depressive or something..it's a huge relief to hear that the sadness is normal, and yes - it is so small with an eternal future in front of me
:)
It's a strange comparison, your sadness and mine, how long ago did you die?
I am just kinda going through the motions of my life, trying to make decisions is proving harder than ever, I can't seem to 'get a grip' on the practicalities.
A part of me was wishing yesterday that my family didn't love me, and I could go..even though I am so grateful they are there, and surrounding me with their care.
I keep wondering about the two men I saw...who were they?
I'm going back to see the GP who looked after me in hospital today,
so I am trying to take care of myself, I'm glad it is a habit to do so, to some extent, even my vanity is returning a bit, lol.
Thankyou again, I feel like your words have been a lifeline for me right now
xx
Stormson wrote:
LOL I know exactly how you feel about the astral travelers! I dont know why but they just plain irk me... My theory is that we, after being there naturally, know on an instinctual level that they are messing with stuff not meant to be "played" with... Like their breaking the rules somehow. Thats an attitude I have had for a long time and cant seem to shake, but at the same time, I tolerate them be they can sometimes have useful insights... And its not as if they are going to stop, so I may as well avail myself of their experience, and we naturals are somewhat more rare.
There will be something of a "glow" to part of you now... In that just as there is an instinctual distaste of those who travel there on their own, there is also a natural affinity for other naturals... Like I said, we can sense each other.. And know each other... Like a beckon in the darkness. As for the depression.. No, it isnt ungratefulness... Its just a part of the natural sadness.. Once you KNOW whats out there, this waking world of ours is just so small that some depression can be avoided. A man in a jail cell may indeed be grateful to be alive as well, but he's still in jail you see? I find that concentrating on the beauty of this world helps quite a bit... A single stunning sunset can work wonders for the soul :)
I died over 20 years ago... So have been dealing with this stuff for quite some time now. I do have to say, you seem to be moving through it all much faster then I did! It took me years to even recognize that much of what was going on was related to having died at all. I wish i could tell you the sadness goes away, but it hasnt for me.... it DOES get easier to deal with and does lessen to a degree though, and you certainly learn how to function and live life with it. And the spiritual awareness that comes along with this does much to balance it out as well... Yes, your sad to be here in a way, BUT you also know that this is just a small part of something so much larger, and that its waiting for you when your truly ready... That in itself can get you through some really rough times.Yes, family and indeed people in general, become harder to deal with...Its like they are "less aware".. But again, concentrating on the beauty helps, and nothing is more beautiful then love :) Also.. Ya have to realize, they really ARNT less aware, it only seems that way... We all know these things somewhere within ourselves, you and I have simply had a more direct experience is all. In truth, we havent learned anything new, just remembered is all... ALL knowing is already within us.. All of us.
It does work two as well though.. To a degree. Just as we already have spiritual knowing within ourselves, well our spirit CAN, for a time, be effected by what what we learn here. This is why you saw the "pearly gates"... Because somehow thats what you expected to see. Many things in the spiritual are transmutable to a degree. What you saw was a real structure, and for you it was a gateway.. But it could have as easily been a lotus tree for a Buddhist or forest clearing for a Native American..Same structure and same purpose, but able to be percieved in many ways. The men could have been anybody really... But as part of you seemed to expect it, I'd say that at least one of them was there to represent St. Peter.. If not Peter himself... you can actually call people to you. LOL Which HAS to get old for the real Peter... But of course, when dealing with eternity is probably isnt such a big deal. So they didnt say anything to you the whole time huh? Thats pretty interesting, as most get the message about it not being your time, not ready to be here, etc... Perhaps they saw in you that it didnt need to be said, that you already where advanced enough to know... As I said, you are progressing through this whole thing pretty fast, so you may have some degree of advancement in the spiritual already.
Im glad to hear your going back to the Doc and taking care of yourself... Many times people give up taking care of themselves once they loose the fear of death.. A shame because the simple truth is if your here there is a REASON your here, and will need to stay until that reason is filled.. And thats SO much easier to do when your bodies healthy.
kalamity kool wrote:
It really is so good to have you to talk to!
I went to the docs, and she is sending me to an ultrasound of my heart.
I don't think there is anything wrong, apart from what I know already, which is that I have low blood sugar, low blood pressure and that day I had neglected to eat enough for the exercise I'd had. And stress. To do with my disabled daughter.
I've been 'spiritual' for a very long time, not in the New-age way only, but quite broadly..and I have had similar experiences before, though I've never actually died before.
I wasn't raised in a church, so the St Peter thing doesn't really ring any bells. I've never imagined any pearly gates, though I do agree with you, that the images are attributable to our beliefs. I don't think they are all that important anyway, more symbolic than anything, but atm I think the two were God, and Jesus. If they were men I know who have died, there would have been more than two, special men to me that is,
there are three, apart from my grandfathers, whom I didn't really know.
I hadn't read the updated thread when I made the comment about the OBE's, and when I did, I had to smile. I think the two are completely different, an OBE or astral travelling isn't death, its a realm of the psyche, but I guess it serves to show our existence isn't limited to our physical beings.
Would you tell me more about your actual experience? IF it was hell you went to, what was it like?
And did you believe in God before that?
I seem to have a lightness of spirit again today, it's a rainy evening,
I'm warm and snug with dinner cooking in the oven, and I'm happy to be alive...though (you're right) the sadness sits just underneath.
Love and best wishes to you Stormson!
Stormson wrote:
Well.. An ultrasound certainly isnt going hurt any..And if it does reveal anything new, it could be very helpful in the long run.
One thing that may help alleviate some of your stress concerning your disabled daughter.. Something I'm sure you already figured out on some level.. Is to keep in mind that SHE isnt disabled, only her body is. I know it is a small difference in this realm, but an important one none the less. We are each here for our own respective reasons ya know? Like short classes in a huge university... And each class will have its own challenges. Some of them are very tough... But once we get through them, like any class, it is then behind us. No doubt that hers is one of the toughest, but keep in mind that, as in any school, the harder the class, the greater the bragging rights later. She could have just as easily been born a regal princess, with a life of ease and luxury, and she may have still made it through class... But scrapping by till graduation isnt quite the same as kicking ass through school is it? ;)
Remember too that this school is 100% voluntary... She chose this class, and indeed you as her classmate... She must have had a great deal if faith in the both of you.
Honestly... though I cant say it wasnt them, the idea of the two men being God and Jesus, would be a pretty rare thing. in fact, when i say it could have been anybody, i mean ANY body. Forgive the pun, but the land of the dead is quite literally teaming with life... Not all of of it human, but much of it.. God, of course, is the highest and Holiest of of all. Not only do I have a feeling that He exists in a realm even higher then where we go when first dead, but I also think that where we to perceive His visage at all while there, we simply couldnt return. Our minds here on this realm just wouldnt be able to hold it ya know? This is why He told Abram that He could not allow Him to see His Holy Person... It is also a part of my own story, in that when He grabbed me it was by the nape of the neck, and I was give a STRONG feeling to not look up. I believe it was as a safeguard that i was covered with blackness and what could only be refereed to as "water"... In case I was tempted after all, there simply wouldnt BE any seeing.
As for my story.. Well, like most, though profound it was really rather short and simple. Yes, I always knew of Gods existence. Even before anyone "taught" me about it, I just knew. honestly, I think all kids are like that.. Having come fresh FROM the spirit, they have an innate and pure "knowing"... it takes us grown ups to really screw that up for them. I was raised variously as Christian, RC and Native American... And I think it was because of that that I have been able to cut through most "Religion" and simply understand that God Is One.. THE One. The All Father as the Vikings may have said.
Anyway.. By the time I had reached my early 20's I had made, and lost a small fortune, I had gathered quite a bit of really bad karma as well as psychological damage, and I had lost my first wife to death. In short... I saw no future for myself, and nothing but darkness, pain and evil in my past. I really saw no POINT in living, so I chose to end it. I took a half empty bottle of my grandmothers nitro glycerin heart tablets, and I already had a bottle of muscle relaxers from previous injuries. I got a bottle of Anaset, and took the pills over the next half hour or so.. My aunt happened in as I was washing down the last of them and called 911... A cop showed up who we all knew and disliked, and me and him got into a fight... Wasnt much of a fight, as I was already heading out. After he got me in cuffs, the ambulance pulled up and got me on the stretcher... "Hes crashing" is the last thing I heard. There was no painful heart attack, no gasping for breath... Just a weird "buzzing" sound and feeling, and everything fading from gray to dark gray to black. It seemed almost instant.. No more then a couple seconds... But of course it had to be, when I found myself floating in the trauma room above myself. I looked down, just sort of shrugged to myself, and back to black for (seemingly) a couple more seconds.
When i came to again, I was fully aware, but all was still black... Not the black of sleep, or even of when I "crashed". It was a BLACKNESS like no other. I used to caving when I was a teen, and it was even blacker then turning off the light 1000 feet below the earth... I really cant explain it better then to say it was the blackness of the void itself. More then that... It was STILL... I mean, a stillness as still as the blackness was black.. No sound, no motion, no ANYTHING, of any kind. I was acutely aware however of others... I was in something like a "bubble", and knew that there where millions..billions.. of others just like me. I also knew that at no time, for all of eternity, would I ever have contact with them, or them with me.. We where the suicides of the world, and as we longed for "peace" that was our punishment... Total, undieing, unending, peace. My first thought in fact was "Oh.. Sigh... Peace finally!".. No sooner then i had that thought, was I aware of all the above.
It was then that God caught hold of me and I felt myself being dragged upward, through what seemed like black water... Then all of the sudden, I broke through the suffice, and opened my eyes to people working on my body on the trauma table...
This is why i am so adamant about guarding against allowing yourself to go too deeply into the depression.. I know what happens to suicides, and I know that PART of your spirit will now be wishing to 'get back".. you CANNOT let that happen, as it isnt where you went that you will end up if that happens... And had i my way about, no one would ever end up there.
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Wow, that's quite an experience Stormson...
if that was hell, it's even scarier than the fire and wailing and gnashing of teeth, although that could also exist (murderers?), do you think we do create our hell in some way?
I can relate about the 'peace', that sort of karma or w/e happens in life, I
have often been very frustrated with people, their attempts to control me, mould me to their wishes, demand off me, all manner of 'bad' things it seems sometimes, and I have the thought, 'if only I could just be left alone'...and amazingly enough ;) I am quite alienated and alone a lot these days.
Not that I would want to go back to any other time in my life either.
And I do see enough people to keep myself healthy.
Anyway, before I launch into too much self-introspection, about the two men..what you explain makes sense to me, but I know they weren't random spirits, they were waiting for me, personally.
Whenever I've thought about death, and heaven, I've imagined going straight into the 'arms' of Jesus, for want of a better description,
and without thinking about it too much, or believing it even, I have assumed I would be with Him, finally.
Its a bit of a hard thing to explain, but maybe you can understand,
I gave my life to God, handed it over, for Him to do with whatever He wishes. I renew that pledge periodically, and He is no longer so high and distant, I am still so poor and small in front of Him, but also so close, and intimate somehow.
But, I am quite willing to believe the two were not God and Jesus, they weren't insignificant to me either though...so I guess it will have to remain a mystery.
I like what you say about my daughter. It's something I've held onto in the past, but have lost sight of, and its very timely to be brought back to it now.
I've been feeling really very powerless over the stressful state I get into, despite doing everything I can to avoid and alleviate it.
I nearly started taking meds the week before, I took one, and it made me so tired, and it takes a month at least to work, I knew I couldn't do it,
I need solutions before then, and I have a feeling once I recognize her right to be spiritually autonomous, I'll be able to let go in a way I just can't atm, and I am nearly done with my job of organizing her carers etc.
After nearly losing her life in 2009, she finally received funding to help her.
That overwhelming feeling I had, of incomparable love and joy and fulfillment, has faded now, I can't get there again, and it is sad, my life is so pale and empty in the face of that..but I'm waiting, for hope to return, and holding on to that irrationality that faith gives, that His love will bring me good things and happiness...meanwhile, I live in a beautiful place, with nature all around, and it is very healing and consoling.
Stormson wrote:
I dont think its so much about trying to get back to.. Though part of ourselves always long for that, and even need to be kept on eye on... I think its more like a glimps of the goal... Like going to a friends graduation, when we are only freshmen, or an artists rendering of a building we are only just digging the footers for... Something to be held as a faint smile in the dark of the night, but ultimately to spur us on towards completion once the day rolls back round again..
We have work here to do you and I... But our job, like any, will someday be finished, and now you know JUST how sweet retirement can really be.
I would say.. As much as people tend to irk on one level, talking things through can still be very therapeutic as well. Likewise, those who love you will need, at some point, to understand what all the coming changes mean. Sure.. Keep your own counsal as much as is your nature, BUT, remember to balance it for your sake and the sake of those you love and love you... An arms length is one thing, but a lion tamers whip and chair are quite another ;)
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Oh, hahaa, I'm not quite as ferocious as that!
I've found that people have their own problems, they generally don't want to listen to mine, and I don't want to burden them further anyway.
I am going to see a mental health nurse soon, for some counselling, and there I'll be able to just blurt all the stuff about my daughter.
Already, before this little death, I was different, now I'll just be more so, lol - it's why I thank God for these forums where I can express so much that I can't in my offline existence.
Thanks again Stormson, you really have helped me through a very lost stage.
Stormson wrote:
Anytime sweety... We've done some work, and I still think ya need time to take it all in.. As I'm sure ya agree.
I'll be here if ya need me, or at my own forum (in my sig), whenever ya need me. If anything strange starts happening, or you start to have really weird\scary dreams (both rare things), hit me up asap.. Otherwise, you'll know when ya ready to talk some more :)
Kalamity Kool wrote:
.
I'm happy to know you're there, Stormson!
It will take some time, and even though you have told me things won't be the same, and I believe you, and although I am feeling more present, I have to get used to this...difference, like something is missing, or I've lost a part of myself...I have to be careful I'm not alone too much, I need whole days to myself, but I have a sense I could get too lost.
I will be staying with another daughter in a nearby town during the weeks, and I have work to do, so it should be alright.
When you say we have work to do, what do you mean? Helping people understand?
Stromson wrote:
Well.. in time, sure... But mostly I think you will end up having more questions then your aware of just yet. this is something that we live with for the duration ya know? Its a LONG process of discovery and understanding... Thats why I say its ok to take a break, its simply not going to be understood overnight anyway.. Hell, I'm STILL discovering new stuff after 20+ years. Not that I'm any sort of expert either, but have been through the process many times now... Its usually that you find some new aspect of yourself that seems different since death.. Sometimes even strange things.. Then that sets off the questions... the searching.. and finally the answers. And sometimes those answers can lead to further questions. Sometimes even, the answers to what seem such simple things end in very profound places. So when I say "we have work" I pretty much mean that your not really THROUGH this... Its just time to take in this first part of it... In time I think you'll have new questions about new things you discover, and my job isnt always to just answer them, but many times to simply show in which direction the answer lays, as many answers can ONLY be answered for ourselves... so a "we" thing, not you or I alone see?
As for helping others to understand, yes thats a part of it as well... And it may be that we have work in that dept together.. that would be cool... we'll see I guess. Remember what I was saying about us being able to sense each other? Well.. there is that, yes, but in time you'll find you also can sense those who are most in need of your help in particular. As long as these things keep happening, then there will be those who need your help, those who need mine, those who need someone other then either of us, and perhaps those who can benefit most from both of our help... Its why I was so animate that you reach me dear... Of all the "travelers" in ya thread, there where a couple other naturals... Richard was one, but I already knew that he was not in need of ME, and there was an LOP Guest, who may or may not be, so i left the door open for them if they choose....But you, I just "knew" I was in a position to help.
LOL.. I HOPE that doesnt sound too crazy... Had we both not been through this, and i read that, I would think I was a nutter LOL
Anyway.. It'll probably be awhile before you feel any sort of calling to help someone else through it all... The universe seems pretty wise in that respect and only leads us to help others once we ourselves are through with the hardest parts... Sort of like a cosmic support group ya know, where even the experienced are never asked more then they can handle. When it does start happening keep in mind that it is just as therapeutic for ourselves as it is for the "newbies"... And theres NEVER any kind of "pressure'... At least from what I can tell. So when things get to that point, its a good thing for all.
This is actually what lead me to the idea of starting a forum about it all.. Richard in fact, and the fact that I "knew" he didnt need my help... I'm thinking, well yeah, but we are always drawn together.. So if I start something like that, and enough people join up, maybe it could help people meet up with those who they are most "matched" to... Shrugs.. Still just an idea at the moment...
kalamity kool wrote:
Ok, I understand better again...lol, at this rate I'm going to keep you writing novels!
I always seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere.
But I know I'm in no way ready to help anyone else with these experiences, if that is indeed what will happen, you are saying there is a kind of attraction, a magnetic pull, towards others...I can believe that,
I feel somehow 'at home' with you, though I know you hardly at all, and yes, it all sounds crazy.
A foot on each side of the door..I suspect it's not going to easy.
My most pressing thing to deal with atm, is what to do with this longing for the love I had there. I had the longing before, but now I'm thinking I'll never have love like that in this world, and the thought of years and years of living without it just makes me want to crumble into a heap.
I can't live purely for a spiritual love, of God, he didn't make me that way, can I contain the longing somehow, what would help...?
Maybe I need to control my thoughts about the future, after all, I do not know what is tomorrow.
I am going to focus on a project I've had for a long time, an internet magazine, it's back online now, and I just need to back-up and upgrade the publishing system.
Stormson wrote:
Hehe.. I’ve noticed that about you! It’s like your mind is a sponge that wants to soak it all up as fast as ya can... Don’t worry, that’s not so unusual either, you’re a babe in the woods here.. this is a NEW life... Its totally understandable, but at the end of the day? Hey.. Just chill.. it’s all cool ya know? As much as ya want to learn, there’s no big hurry... Like I said, this is a life altering thing, but it’s also a life LONG thing.. And there’s MUCH more to come, so need to push yourself too hard...
Yeah.. a foot on each side of the door is a very good way to put it. But remember what Jesus said about that? In the world but not OF the world right? If ya hold that up to the mirror we live in, you can as easily read it as Not of this world any longer, but still IN it just the same. I am bi-racial myself... I was born on an American Indian reservation... And as a result, at a young age I had to make a choice... While BOTH white and native, WHO would I CHOOSE to be? In this case, we are the bi-racial children of the universe... We live in BOTH worlds... But who will you decide to BE? Well.. What did Jesus SAY? We are here NOW.. We are here now because we BELONG here now dearheart. Remember that He too, for a great part of His life, got up and went to work every day just like any other Carpenter would... I suspect He was one HECK of builder and as a former carpenter myself I can only IMAGINE how cool it would have been to study under Him... But my POINT here is, yes, we will always be in both places, but we know where our duty in life lays for now, and we have His example to show us that.
I wish that I could tell you that part gets easier... But no, we will always be zombies to SOME extent... We have to just push through and LIVE our lives regardless ya know? I will tell ya this though... For all the nagging feeling we have about it, there ARE some REALLY cool perks that balance it all out... You'll see.. :)
As for the longing for love... again, no honey... You will NEVER find love like that here.. we are flawed human beings.. flawed by nature. BUT!!! As you say, God didn’t create you for that sort of love alone! He didn’t create ANY of us that way... The sad truth is, men will ALWAYS drink beer, fart and scratch ourselves while we watch the game! There’s JUST no way around that LOL... And God help me, women will ALWAYS remind me that ya cant just keep stuffing things into the trash bag without taking it outside, and that my dirty socks really don’t belong on the floor LOL... But ya know what? As GOOD as that higher love is, its THESE things that make us human.. And being human is what our being here is all about... In a 1000 years I'll bet you'll look back on those irksome things pretty fondly... So enjoy them today while they abound... Because while SPIRITUAL love on that level is the ultimate goal, we are here NOW for those little magic moments that remind us that being human CAN be joyful as well.
The only warning I can give concerning that... and as you get to know me you will find I am MUCH better at what NOT to do because I learned these things the hard way... Is not change yourself in that category. Guard yourself as much as you always have... I went the other direction and sought earthly "love" to SUCH a a degree that.. well, I have some fine memories and wild tales of bedroom antics, but I also lost a great deal of time in my life to things that now seem rather trivial and lame... Seek love in THIS world dear, unless your name is Jesus then God expects it from you... Just don’t try and replace that higher love with it, as that will never work, and it’s a very sad way to waste time when the "one" may well be out there waiting on ya..
The future? Nah honey.. we get allot of gifts.. and some curses... from this, but telling the future isn’t one of them. If prophecy want IN you already then it won’t be now... if it WAS in you and you hadn’t reached a point of being able to use it, this could bring it out, but that’s not what I mean... What I mean is, no, ya really don’t need (in most cases) to worry about the future any more then ya always did... You still HAVE your lifetime ahead of you... There will be some pluses and minuses that weren’t a part of the time behind you, but all in all, life is still LIFE ya know? Just out of curiosity, how old are you BTW? I'm 43 myself..
Working on ya blog seems like a really good idea.. I read it BTW!!! I had noticed a few of ya posts before, but it wasn’t until we talked that I realized "Hey.. wait a minute, maybe she REALLY means to google her" LOL.. So I did and it was great! Don’t know why ya stopped! If no one else does, I'll read it!
Kalamity Kool wrote:
:)
I have to say, right NOW is pretty good for me, I have music, food, water and shelter and a fire burning in a chimenea (sp?) outside, there's nothing urgent I need to do, it's Sunday and I'm 'out bush' as Aussies call it.
And I have the internet!!
Thanks for liking my blog, the website stalker1.com is attached, that is the magazine I'm about to re-launch.
I did feel very - weird - earlier today, but I lit a candle and prayed, and it passed.
I'm afraid you have, maybe a slightly distorted vision of me, meeting me as you have just after I died ;)
The, ummm, earthly pleasures, I haven't neglected, lol, I'm 51, and have tended towards being an extremist, rather proudly, too
haha.
I do know there is someone out there for me, and it will happen in the right time. Just damn impatience!
You write really well, it would be nice to have something from you in
stalker1, if you want to..of course.
When I was 9 my family moved to Australia from Finland, I couldn't speak English, could only count to ten, I think I can understand from that a little of how bi-racial must be like..about discrimination I've learnt by having a daughter with a rare genetic syndrome.
I guess I'm scared this new 'differentness' means further alienations,
and there's no way it can't, I just have to give it time..
at the moment, I'm definitely guarding myself, I feel too vulnerable to mix with people much, but I know that will pass, because I HAVE to,
yeah, just like Jesus as a carpenter.
I live in the south-west corner of Western Australia, I have the forest and the ocean here, I know from past experience that I need to get out in it, I'll do a walk on the beach today, with wet-weather gear!
LOL @ the socks and farts! It's very comforting, in a strange way..
Happy Sunday
Stormson wrote:
Hehe.. Ya see.. I am very comfortable with you as well... But I expected as much... As I said, i just knew.. And it seems as a result, every time we speak there is something new to tell you... And that’s cool... Little faster then i am want, for YOUR sake, but cool just the same.. I seem to know JUST how far to go, and JUST where to say nothing and wait for your lead...This is good.
BUT... As light hearted as things CAN be between us, and dealing with this.. At the end of the day, it IS a solemn and serious issue as well.. it is for that reason, i will make you promise.. I drink sometimes... But when i drink, if you'd like to hang out that would be cool, but I'll take NO chances with your future here on earth... There are questions you may not even know you asked above, but i will hold those answers till i am sober.. You DESERVE that sweety... Fair enough? Ya see.. i Do love you little sister... And I am responsible in a way for you.. And you are WORTH being careful with.
It is.. well.. Simply a drinking weekend for us here in the states.. it was always so, but recently, it’s a DARK drunk.. A "forget what they did to us" drunk... It may well be the LAST peaceful drunk weekend that we have here.. We will see..
At any rate.. When i sober up, there are things above I'd love to discuss with ya seriously.. But until then i will only you, my very, very Kool friend...
Soooo.. for NOW... Have ya got video??? LOL ;)
Only joking hun... Though i bet it'd be sweet!
kalamity koolWrote:
yeah, the vid is sweet ;) !
Waking up here on a cold Monday morning, I'm wishing it was a drunk weekend here, though it's good not to have a hangover - how are you faring..?
I'm sad its a dark drunk, I understand it, we Finnish have it in our genes. America, I think, is in that pit from which the fire and power to burst out is built up...imho this time liberation has to be FOR ALL, not just Americans, and its no longer enough to be like a pseudo-cop show-case...I don't know, so please excuse me if I tread on any toes,
these are just some observations from outside, and I know its impossible to know what is going on without ever having been there.
One thing I am curious about (well, there are many, lol, about you)
is that I've noticed the truth just seems to come out of my mouth, worse than before (people find it very uncomfortable) I kinda see it clearer, or something..
I wouldn't have thought any less, than your promise, dear man, from what I know about you, and the way you are helping me through this.
(breathing in the sweet aroma of integrity here ;)
It's the 4th of July here now, so cheers!
I like your drunk talk, feel free, anytime, lol!
Stormson wrote:
Had to snip again... old weak bullshit machine like the old wek bulshit guy behind it! LOL
My darling kools.. My TOES? THATS what yout worried about? Hehe...
No.. Honetly... Did I not a TELL yo9u I love you dear one? Did i not CALL you my "little sister"? hehe.. My toes? i have no feeling in them hun... As you say you only know a SMALL part of "me" But i have accepted you in TOTAL... We are family now sweety... and sometimes family is not ALWAYS so nice... so STOMP away dear one... My toes, or any other part of me, will never be insulted by it... I dont want yout o EVER hold back on ANYTHING... Ok? i am of NO use to hideen person... And YOU have no reason to hide from me.. ever.
SPEAK your mind little sister.. WHATEVER it may be,,, Day or night.. you are SAFE with me..
The rest we will work on when i sober up ok?
Your right about US BTW... Irt SHOULD be US... The so called "leaders of the free world"... We should be SHOWING the WAY..., We should be LIGHTING the way... Instead we sit here on our fucking HANDS... Dont ASK me WHY dear one... I honestly dont KNOW why, and i honestly HAVE no answer to that one..
Sometimes, I ashamed of my countrymen... And myself.
Kalamity Kool wrote:
the drunk talk is pretty funny, I hope you won't regret it..and very sweet, too..
Who are you calling 'little' though? I could call you little bro, but somehow it doesn't fit, does it?
Yeah, we'll work it out when you're sober (and I'm drunk)
nah, joking, though maybe not..
I'm overdue for it, heh he.
I really do feel much more back on Earth, thanks to you and your expert guidance, you have a very wise and lovely way of doing it,
thank God you saw my thread!
I don't think I'm finished yet, though, so please don't stop!
LOL
Letting it all soak in, esp all the endearments :)
I do have more to say about America, all fabrications of course, but that won't stop me, heh, I take it you are a patriot?
Anyway, goodluck with the hangover if you have one, talk soon.
Stormson wrote:
Hmm.. Since it seems i have gotten into a little trouble here with someone else dear to me... I probably should make sure I'm up front here...
Yes, you are HOT sweety ;)
But you do realize when i say i love ya and call ya little sister, i mean like FAMILY right?? I mean.. sure.. Like i say, your hot, and if we where close I would probably to nail ya LOL, but I mean, you and I live, literally, on other sides of the PLANET... So that really wouldn’t work too well ya know??
Anyway.. Like i said, just trying to be up front cos it seems I have gotten myself into one misunderstanding already...
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Cool, I did think you meant in a family kind of way, but I'm in a kinda fragile state, and my heart responds to you, so things can get a bit confused.
It's good to have it clear :)
And thanks, it does me wonders to be called sweet names and told I'm hot, lol - really.
I hope your g/f lets you keep talking to me...
Stormson wrote:
Oh good Lord I’m sick today... I really should never ever drink! LOL
Nah sweety.. She’s not my g\f... WAS, and I still live here on the place.. But no, she doesn’t have anything to do with my life at this point? I mean I wouldn’t bring a woman home just cos I'm not like that and don’t want to hurt her, but eventually I'll leave here for good anyway. Hell... Her daughter, who lurks here sometimes, has wanted to get with me for awhile now... Of course I would never do something so low... But even she knows it’s over between me and her mom ya know?
And yeah My heart responds to you too ya know? But there is that whole planet in the way... And I get the feeling that right NOW isn’t quite the time for either one of us in that dept.... The universe knows when its right, and when it is, we'll both find the very one that is right for us... At least that’s my hope and have to keep believing it...
Hehe.. Still... kind of a shame, cos ya are pretty hot though...
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Yeah, I believe it, too
Right now, I'm devoted to getting my internet magazine, stalker1.com back up and running, the rest can take care of it itself..
I would really like to put some of our conversations up on there..
could change your name if you want...would you be agreeable?
I'd run them past you, before I published them.
Its just that the experiences we've had, are important,
I strongly feel more people ought to be exposed to them.
Hope you're kissing goodbye to the hangover by now..;)
Stormson wrote:
Well... Like I said, I don’t think we're nearly done in that dept... But sure... I wouldn’t mind checking em out first of course, but it sounds cool..
Hehe... Nah.. i still have some health issues I'll never get over, and hangovers just seem to ENJOY hanging on to me... I'll survive... But I may swear off drinking for a day or two.. Maybe even a week or two by the time this one leaves LOL
How are you doing health wise? How did the trip to the Doc pan out?
Kalamity Kool wrote:
The docs have a problem with me, in that I really do live by
'a little bit of everything is good for you, too much of anything can kill you'
(its a quote me and some Aboriginal prisoners I was teaching last year came up with)
so when I tell them I was drinking beer, and had a joint, they tell me I live an unhealthy lifestyle.
So stupid of them not to believe me, I have no health problems and am very fit.
But, I'll go and have an ultrasound of my heart, to make sure.
Just have to make the appointment.
I think I know what it was, I've been very stressed, that day I hadn't eaten enough for the amount of exercise I'd done, and I have very low blood pressure and low blood sugar anyway.
Underlying, my will to live is low, even before, I've always had a very strong survival instinct, so that worries me more than anything.
Not gonna think on it anymore though, I have work to do, and stalker1
is my passion for now.
Yeah!
I'll get back to you on it soon, take care
Stormson wrote:
Yeah.. The survival instinct is a problem... It’s basically cos mind and body know what ya spirit always did.. that life here really ISNT as important as it once seemed. Still though, it’s about the WORK ya know? Whatever it is you came to earth to learn or do, isn’t learned or done yet... If it was you would have been free to go then. And God help me, even KNOWING what is, is pretty much impossible! I haven’t figured it out yet to be sure...So we have to just keep plugging away until its revealed and finished, and THAT I think comes on God's time, not ours...
But ya know.. it IS cool in a way too... Remember that we will be THERE forever... Reincarnation DOES happen I think, but it’s much, much more rare then allot of people think... I think you and I will probably be finished here when we finally do go. We may just find in a few thousand years that we miss this little rock floating in space... How I know these things is a different story, for a different time, but I can say that enjoying our time here to the fullest really isn’t a bad idea...
Hey.. BTW,, you do know that weed lowers blood sugar right?? We got allot of diabetes in our family.. the whole native thing.. I don’t think our people are really cut out for the modern American diet... But yeah, one way around the blood sugar spike from alcohol is to smoke weed... LOL Probably not the healthiest thing in the world either. Anyway, ya may wanna make sure ya eat if ya gonna smoke?
Just letting ya know, I could be offline any time... I'll probably be heading back up north soon... Sometime between now and the 1st of the month or so. Same crap here at the house and I'm just not in the mood LOL
So anyway.. Just wanted to let ya know, if ya try to reach me and I don’t get back right away, that’s probably why and I will as soon as I can ok?
Nameste
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Thanks for letting me know.
I might have a major weird experience soon, and need your wisdom!
Not entirely kidding, there are a few things actually, that I want to run past you - strange smells - I woke up the other night to a strong smell, like a rat's rotting corpse, so I checked everywhere, no rat and the smell hasn't come back.
It was unmistakable though, I wasn't imagining it.
And, usually when I smoke weed, I don't dream, but its like my subconscious is more active, or more to the surface, and I'm having dreams more often.
Any light you can cast on these?
I'm going alright, trying hard not to get into my stress feelings, and to keep in sight that I will be finishing this job with my daughter in a few months probably, that I will have done a great job, and she will be in good hands after. Then I can be just Mum, and have more of my life to myself again.
I'm wary of people, though, even more than before, I guess in some way I'm still vulnerable, I don't want them to hurt me or to be negative, I feel like I won't be able to stand it.
Stormson wrote:
I'm sorry you're having strife, it sucks, all the best for harmony again soon!
No.. you weren’t imagining it... It’s one of the things we deal with. The smell follows us and just pops up from time to time... At least it does me. I always thought that it was just ME, as I was well acquainted with death before I went myself... But I have heard it before from others as well. As for me it’s a tad worse, in that I get the whiff of it like that, but when I drink too much ~I~ smell of the grave. My last wife (whom I have not seen in years BTW) first brought it to my attention and I used to be a MAJOR alcoholic in those days (and I was drinking the night I died as well, though that was some years before)... Once she brought it up, and I started to pay attention, yes it was me... One of the reasons I quit drinking so much... So don’t feel TOO bad, it could be worse... it’s not as if I smelled of roses BEFORE!
But yeah... It comes and goes... Doesn’t really MEAN anything as far as I can tell... I smelled death under my porch just the other day in fact.. Nothing there... But it didn’t portend any major events or anything..
The dream thing...I have very, VERY bad dreams and have for years... I have mostly trained myself not to dream in fact, so I can only help so much there... But I can tell you that my people don’t believe in dreams the same way as most... We have always held that they are every bit as real as waking life, though a part of the spirit realm. And of course, our spirit is much closer to our waking minds now as well... I would simply mark it up to that if I were pressed to say... I think you'll find ALL spiritual connections and intersections (such as dreams) to be a bit intensified from now on.. Sometimes that’s nice, and sometimes not so nice, but it’s ALWAYS interesting at least ;)
Yeah it'll be great when ya can settle down and just be plain old mum again... I hope that happens for you both very, very soon. As for the sensitivity thing, again, I think it has to do with our spirit being closer to our waking flesh now... Remember that we spirits ARE very sensitive folks.. It’s only when we put this skin suit on that we HAVE to learn how to grow a hardened outer shell... Babies don’t have that you'll notice, they must learn it here on earth... I believe that’s because it doesn’t come natural to us in the spirit, and is simply a survival mechanism of earthly existence. It'll grow back because it must, but a part of you will probably wish it didn’t need to be there, and simply sigh and accept it for what it is... Hehe around here they pretty much consider me to be tough as nails and much less friendly... But in reality I am who I am, and am only as hard as life dictates I must be... Perhaps when Jesus returns, we will finally have a world without the need of such armour.
Namaste
Sitting on my sister's verandah, I lost consciousness.
It was a most extraordinary experience..
I'm not 'myself'
yet
not sure I can talk about it now,
but I can't post anything else until I have at least shared this much with you.
I'm ok, a low blood pressure/heart rate problem I have to sort out, or it could just be the way I was born.
It was a most extraordinary experience..
I'm not 'myself'
yet
not sure I can talk about it now,
but I can't post anything else until I have at least shared this much with you.
I'm ok, a low blood pressure/heart rate problem I have to sort out, or it could just be the way I was born.
Stormson wrote:
Things will never be the same again hun.. Like I said, you'll be ok... you'll adjust.. But the disorientation you feel is because there is a PART of you that ISNT a part of all this now... You are one of a few who walk with one foot here and one foot elsewhere... you CANNOT 'forget" it, trust me on this, I worked long and hard trying to do JUST that... but its wasted time, because it will NOT work, it CANNOT work, because in the end, it has become a part of our make up. It isnt going to go away... YOU have to learn to work WITH this new part of yourself is all...And, as i said, its OK.. Its DIFFERENT... But its cool...just CHILL and learn.
Again... PM me if ya want or need to...
kalamity kool wrote:
Hi, thanks for your replies.
I am a bit lost, I do want to live, I do enjoy many things,its just something is missing, that was there,
and I feel terribly sad.
Despite knowing death better.
The future bothers me, I think, it seems to stretch on in such
struggle
I don't have the energy for it that sustained me before, or something..
Stormson wrote:
ALL of that is totally normal hun... For one thing, your BODY is still healing so try to remember that ok? It actually CAN end up being a little hard to sometimes, so sometimes you have to make the conscious EFFORT to remember that you do indeed still exist in a physical body for now, and that body NEEDS looking after... i tell you this up front because for all the "weight" that comes along with some knowing, there are also some revelations that will begin to open up to you shortly that will be JUST as light and energetic... When THAT happens, YOU are responsible for maintaining yourself just the same... And for all the "ecstatic wonder" that can be experienced, KEEP in mind that you JUST DIED lady! You are NOT 100% yet, ok???
Now... All that being said.. Yes, there is a sadness that you will ALWAYS feel from now on... There simply is no getting out of that... BUT, take heart dear one... YOU feel a sadness that is only temporary... Now that you fully see and KNOW, ask yourself this one question... "Will I still feel this way 100 years from now? How about 1000? or 10,000?" Now that you KNOW you will still ~BE~ in 10,000 years... Does that sadness today really seem such a burden???
Our sadnesses are of equal "weight" right now... But mine is different from yours... Be thankful for that hun. i tell you what i am about for a reason.. hear it out. Mine is because i have SEEN, first hand, who i am, and where I belong..At least for a time.... But i have received this temporary reprieve for the time being... Frankly, I have NO idea why... I know that it was, literally, the hand of the Father Himself that physically dragged me UP from where I was... I killed myself you see... i couldnt even afford a sidearm at the time, so i ate a half a bottle of my grandmothers nitro tablets and a whole bottle of my own muscle relaxers.. Yes i was quite dead, and yes, everything you have heard about suicides going to "hell' is equally true. In fact... it seems there is a specific PART of hell reserved solely FOR suicides.. Maybe one day, if we stay in contact, I will discuss with you... tell you.. About that place. But that is NOT for today... Today i let you know this for one reason and one reason only.. To explain YOUR sadness to YOU.
See.. Now that you maybe able to se and understand just how deep, and real, an eternal sadness CAN be... I want you to understand from that position that YOUR sadness is, wonderfully enough, 180 degrees OPPOSITE from mine... YOUR weight and sadness is because you are back HERE.. and HERE will never be "there"... Do you see? The wondrous JOY of where YOU where, just like the stark terror of where I was, cannot even be wholly held onto, consciously, in your physical form... Your SUB conscious still remembers however.. and always will.. your waking mind however has other priorities it MUST deal with.. if it allowed itself to recall the totality of what your spirit now knows... well.. it basically would never be able to get anything else DONE except to think of it ya see??
Now... There IS a danger here.. As I pointed out, regardless of what ANY, well meaning, "new age" friend may TELL you, 'up' is NOT the only direction... I think that even before i explained my situation, a part of you now already knew that yes?
This "sadness".. it is a GIFT to you.. A reminder of WHO and WHAT you truely are... But do NOT collapse yourself into it! Do NOT allow it to 'drag you down"... Not now, and not EVER... because, as i think you know, if you attempt to "help it along".. try to "hurry things"... try to get BACK to that place your not quite ready for yet... You will end up locking yourself OUT of it.. As I did. As much as you may WISH to get back to this place... It isnt GOING anyplace do you understand? If you get there 10 minutes from now, or 10,000 years from now, it doesnt MATTER.. it is ETERNAL.. And you will reach it when you are READY... Your path NOW, lies in FRONT of you, not back there...You MUSt wal;k it through to ITS own end.. ok?
There is SO much more for us to discuss... IF you so wish.. But, for now, i have typed allot.. and you have read allot... and as i may have mentioned, you JUST DIED lady... take it all in.. slowly... and take it easy for awhile ok? You are responsible for that skin suite your walking around in... Take CARE of IT for awhile, and get back to me when, and if, you are ready...
Namaste.
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Thankyou! I understand perfectly what you are saying, and it is also just what I needed to hear, I will absorb it gradually, and would love to talk to you more about it, maybe a private forum is a good idea, but I'm ok with pm's here, too.
For now, I think I quite like the personal one-on-one, I'm a bit impatient with the OBE/Astral stuff, but I'm sure I'll recover my acceptance of people where they're at soon enough..
Before this happened to me, I would have thought something like that would make me glow for the rest of my life, so I guess I've been feeling like there's a wrong part of me, that I'm ungrateful and a chronic depressive or something..it's a huge relief to hear that the sadness is normal, and yes - it is so small with an eternal future in front of me
:)
It's a strange comparison, your sadness and mine, how long ago did you die?
I am just kinda going through the motions of my life, trying to make decisions is proving harder than ever, I can't seem to 'get a grip' on the practicalities.
A part of me was wishing yesterday that my family didn't love me, and I could go..even though I am so grateful they are there, and surrounding me with their care.
I keep wondering about the two men I saw...who were they?
I'm going back to see the GP who looked after me in hospital today,
so I am trying to take care of myself, I'm glad it is a habit to do so, to some extent, even my vanity is returning a bit, lol.
Thankyou again, I feel like your words have been a lifeline for me right now
xx
Stormson wrote:
LOL I know exactly how you feel about the astral travelers! I dont know why but they just plain irk me... My theory is that we, after being there naturally, know on an instinctual level that they are messing with stuff not meant to be "played" with... Like their breaking the rules somehow. Thats an attitude I have had for a long time and cant seem to shake, but at the same time, I tolerate them be they can sometimes have useful insights... And its not as if they are going to stop, so I may as well avail myself of their experience, and we naturals are somewhat more rare.
There will be something of a "glow" to part of you now... In that just as there is an instinctual distaste of those who travel there on their own, there is also a natural affinity for other naturals... Like I said, we can sense each other.. And know each other... Like a beckon in the darkness. As for the depression.. No, it isnt ungratefulness... Its just a part of the natural sadness.. Once you KNOW whats out there, this waking world of ours is just so small that some depression can be avoided. A man in a jail cell may indeed be grateful to be alive as well, but he's still in jail you see? I find that concentrating on the beauty of this world helps quite a bit... A single stunning sunset can work wonders for the soul :)
I died over 20 years ago... So have been dealing with this stuff for quite some time now. I do have to say, you seem to be moving through it all much faster then I did! It took me years to even recognize that much of what was going on was related to having died at all. I wish i could tell you the sadness goes away, but it hasnt for me.... it DOES get easier to deal with and does lessen to a degree though, and you certainly learn how to function and live life with it. And the spiritual awareness that comes along with this does much to balance it out as well... Yes, your sad to be here in a way, BUT you also know that this is just a small part of something so much larger, and that its waiting for you when your truly ready... That in itself can get you through some really rough times.Yes, family and indeed people in general, become harder to deal with...Its like they are "less aware".. But again, concentrating on the beauty helps, and nothing is more beautiful then love :) Also.. Ya have to realize, they really ARNT less aware, it only seems that way... We all know these things somewhere within ourselves, you and I have simply had a more direct experience is all. In truth, we havent learned anything new, just remembered is all... ALL knowing is already within us.. All of us.
It does work two as well though.. To a degree. Just as we already have spiritual knowing within ourselves, well our spirit CAN, for a time, be effected by what what we learn here. This is why you saw the "pearly gates"... Because somehow thats what you expected to see. Many things in the spiritual are transmutable to a degree. What you saw was a real structure, and for you it was a gateway.. But it could have as easily been a lotus tree for a Buddhist or forest clearing for a Native American..Same structure and same purpose, but able to be percieved in many ways. The men could have been anybody really... But as part of you seemed to expect it, I'd say that at least one of them was there to represent St. Peter.. If not Peter himself... you can actually call people to you. LOL Which HAS to get old for the real Peter... But of course, when dealing with eternity is probably isnt such a big deal. So they didnt say anything to you the whole time huh? Thats pretty interesting, as most get the message about it not being your time, not ready to be here, etc... Perhaps they saw in you that it didnt need to be said, that you already where advanced enough to know... As I said, you are progressing through this whole thing pretty fast, so you may have some degree of advancement in the spiritual already.
Im glad to hear your going back to the Doc and taking care of yourself... Many times people give up taking care of themselves once they loose the fear of death.. A shame because the simple truth is if your here there is a REASON your here, and will need to stay until that reason is filled.. And thats SO much easier to do when your bodies healthy.
kalamity kool wrote:
It really is so good to have you to talk to!
I went to the docs, and she is sending me to an ultrasound of my heart.
I don't think there is anything wrong, apart from what I know already, which is that I have low blood sugar, low blood pressure and that day I had neglected to eat enough for the exercise I'd had. And stress. To do with my disabled daughter.
I've been 'spiritual' for a very long time, not in the New-age way only, but quite broadly..and I have had similar experiences before, though I've never actually died before.
I wasn't raised in a church, so the St Peter thing doesn't really ring any bells. I've never imagined any pearly gates, though I do agree with you, that the images are attributable to our beliefs. I don't think they are all that important anyway, more symbolic than anything, but atm I think the two were God, and Jesus. If they were men I know who have died, there would have been more than two, special men to me that is,
there are three, apart from my grandfathers, whom I didn't really know.
I hadn't read the updated thread when I made the comment about the OBE's, and when I did, I had to smile. I think the two are completely different, an OBE or astral travelling isn't death, its a realm of the psyche, but I guess it serves to show our existence isn't limited to our physical beings.
Would you tell me more about your actual experience? IF it was hell you went to, what was it like?
And did you believe in God before that?
I seem to have a lightness of spirit again today, it's a rainy evening,
I'm warm and snug with dinner cooking in the oven, and I'm happy to be alive...though (you're right) the sadness sits just underneath.
Love and best wishes to you Stormson!
Stormson wrote:
Well.. An ultrasound certainly isnt going hurt any..And if it does reveal anything new, it could be very helpful in the long run.
One thing that may help alleviate some of your stress concerning your disabled daughter.. Something I'm sure you already figured out on some level.. Is to keep in mind that SHE isnt disabled, only her body is. I know it is a small difference in this realm, but an important one none the less. We are each here for our own respective reasons ya know? Like short classes in a huge university... And each class will have its own challenges. Some of them are very tough... But once we get through them, like any class, it is then behind us. No doubt that hers is one of the toughest, but keep in mind that, as in any school, the harder the class, the greater the bragging rights later. She could have just as easily been born a regal princess, with a life of ease and luxury, and she may have still made it through class... But scrapping by till graduation isnt quite the same as kicking ass through school is it? ;)
Remember too that this school is 100% voluntary... She chose this class, and indeed you as her classmate... She must have had a great deal if faith in the both of you.
Honestly... though I cant say it wasnt them, the idea of the two men being God and Jesus, would be a pretty rare thing. in fact, when i say it could have been anybody, i mean ANY body. Forgive the pun, but the land of the dead is quite literally teaming with life... Not all of of it human, but much of it.. God, of course, is the highest and Holiest of of all. Not only do I have a feeling that He exists in a realm even higher then where we go when first dead, but I also think that where we to perceive His visage at all while there, we simply couldnt return. Our minds here on this realm just wouldnt be able to hold it ya know? This is why He told Abram that He could not allow Him to see His Holy Person... It is also a part of my own story, in that when He grabbed me it was by the nape of the neck, and I was give a STRONG feeling to not look up. I believe it was as a safeguard that i was covered with blackness and what could only be refereed to as "water"... In case I was tempted after all, there simply wouldnt BE any seeing.
As for my story.. Well, like most, though profound it was really rather short and simple. Yes, I always knew of Gods existence. Even before anyone "taught" me about it, I just knew. honestly, I think all kids are like that.. Having come fresh FROM the spirit, they have an innate and pure "knowing"... it takes us grown ups to really screw that up for them. I was raised variously as Christian, RC and Native American... And I think it was because of that that I have been able to cut through most "Religion" and simply understand that God Is One.. THE One. The All Father as the Vikings may have said.
Anyway.. By the time I had reached my early 20's I had made, and lost a small fortune, I had gathered quite a bit of really bad karma as well as psychological damage, and I had lost my first wife to death. In short... I saw no future for myself, and nothing but darkness, pain and evil in my past. I really saw no POINT in living, so I chose to end it. I took a half empty bottle of my grandmothers nitro glycerin heart tablets, and I already had a bottle of muscle relaxers from previous injuries. I got a bottle of Anaset, and took the pills over the next half hour or so.. My aunt happened in as I was washing down the last of them and called 911... A cop showed up who we all knew and disliked, and me and him got into a fight... Wasnt much of a fight, as I was already heading out. After he got me in cuffs, the ambulance pulled up and got me on the stretcher... "Hes crashing" is the last thing I heard. There was no painful heart attack, no gasping for breath... Just a weird "buzzing" sound and feeling, and everything fading from gray to dark gray to black. It seemed almost instant.. No more then a couple seconds... But of course it had to be, when I found myself floating in the trauma room above myself. I looked down, just sort of shrugged to myself, and back to black for (seemingly) a couple more seconds.
When i came to again, I was fully aware, but all was still black... Not the black of sleep, or even of when I "crashed". It was a BLACKNESS like no other. I used to caving when I was a teen, and it was even blacker then turning off the light 1000 feet below the earth... I really cant explain it better then to say it was the blackness of the void itself. More then that... It was STILL... I mean, a stillness as still as the blackness was black.. No sound, no motion, no ANYTHING, of any kind. I was acutely aware however of others... I was in something like a "bubble", and knew that there where millions..billions.. of others just like me. I also knew that at no time, for all of eternity, would I ever have contact with them, or them with me.. We where the suicides of the world, and as we longed for "peace" that was our punishment... Total, undieing, unending, peace. My first thought in fact was "Oh.. Sigh... Peace finally!".. No sooner then i had that thought, was I aware of all the above.
It was then that God caught hold of me and I felt myself being dragged upward, through what seemed like black water... Then all of the sudden, I broke through the suffice, and opened my eyes to people working on my body on the trauma table...
This is why i am so adamant about guarding against allowing yourself to go too deeply into the depression.. I know what happens to suicides, and I know that PART of your spirit will now be wishing to 'get back".. you CANNOT let that happen, as it isnt where you went that you will end up if that happens... And had i my way about, no one would ever end up there.
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Wow, that's quite an experience Stormson...
if that was hell, it's even scarier than the fire and wailing and gnashing of teeth, although that could also exist (murderers?), do you think we do create our hell in some way?
I can relate about the 'peace', that sort of karma or w/e happens in life, I
have often been very frustrated with people, their attempts to control me, mould me to their wishes, demand off me, all manner of 'bad' things it seems sometimes, and I have the thought, 'if only I could just be left alone'...and amazingly enough ;) I am quite alienated and alone a lot these days.
Not that I would want to go back to any other time in my life either.
And I do see enough people to keep myself healthy.
Anyway, before I launch into too much self-introspection, about the two men..what you explain makes sense to me, but I know they weren't random spirits, they were waiting for me, personally.
Whenever I've thought about death, and heaven, I've imagined going straight into the 'arms' of Jesus, for want of a better description,
and without thinking about it too much, or believing it even, I have assumed I would be with Him, finally.
Its a bit of a hard thing to explain, but maybe you can understand,
I gave my life to God, handed it over, for Him to do with whatever He wishes. I renew that pledge periodically, and He is no longer so high and distant, I am still so poor and small in front of Him, but also so close, and intimate somehow.
But, I am quite willing to believe the two were not God and Jesus, they weren't insignificant to me either though...so I guess it will have to remain a mystery.
I like what you say about my daughter. It's something I've held onto in the past, but have lost sight of, and its very timely to be brought back to it now.
I've been feeling really very powerless over the stressful state I get into, despite doing everything I can to avoid and alleviate it.
I nearly started taking meds the week before, I took one, and it made me so tired, and it takes a month at least to work, I knew I couldn't do it,
I need solutions before then, and I have a feeling once I recognize her right to be spiritually autonomous, I'll be able to let go in a way I just can't atm, and I am nearly done with my job of organizing her carers etc.
After nearly losing her life in 2009, she finally received funding to help her.
That overwhelming feeling I had, of incomparable love and joy and fulfillment, has faded now, I can't get there again, and it is sad, my life is so pale and empty in the face of that..but I'm waiting, for hope to return, and holding on to that irrationality that faith gives, that His love will bring me good things and happiness...meanwhile, I live in a beautiful place, with nature all around, and it is very healing and consoling.
Stormson wrote:
I dont think its so much about trying to get back to.. Though part of ourselves always long for that, and even need to be kept on eye on... I think its more like a glimps of the goal... Like going to a friends graduation, when we are only freshmen, or an artists rendering of a building we are only just digging the footers for... Something to be held as a faint smile in the dark of the night, but ultimately to spur us on towards completion once the day rolls back round again..
We have work here to do you and I... But our job, like any, will someday be finished, and now you know JUST how sweet retirement can really be.
I would say.. As much as people tend to irk on one level, talking things through can still be very therapeutic as well. Likewise, those who love you will need, at some point, to understand what all the coming changes mean. Sure.. Keep your own counsal as much as is your nature, BUT, remember to balance it for your sake and the sake of those you love and love you... An arms length is one thing, but a lion tamers whip and chair are quite another ;)
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Oh, hahaa, I'm not quite as ferocious as that!
I've found that people have their own problems, they generally don't want to listen to mine, and I don't want to burden them further anyway.
I am going to see a mental health nurse soon, for some counselling, and there I'll be able to just blurt all the stuff about my daughter.
Already, before this little death, I was different, now I'll just be more so, lol - it's why I thank God for these forums where I can express so much that I can't in my offline existence.
Thanks again Stormson, you really have helped me through a very lost stage.
Stormson wrote:
Anytime sweety... We've done some work, and I still think ya need time to take it all in.. As I'm sure ya agree.
I'll be here if ya need me, or at my own forum (in my sig), whenever ya need me. If anything strange starts happening, or you start to have really weird\scary dreams (both rare things), hit me up asap.. Otherwise, you'll know when ya ready to talk some more :)
Kalamity Kool wrote:
.
I'm happy to know you're there, Stormson!
It will take some time, and even though you have told me things won't be the same, and I believe you, and although I am feeling more present, I have to get used to this...difference, like something is missing, or I've lost a part of myself...I have to be careful I'm not alone too much, I need whole days to myself, but I have a sense I could get too lost.
I will be staying with another daughter in a nearby town during the weeks, and I have work to do, so it should be alright.
When you say we have work to do, what do you mean? Helping people understand?
Stromson wrote:
Well.. in time, sure... But mostly I think you will end up having more questions then your aware of just yet. this is something that we live with for the duration ya know? Its a LONG process of discovery and understanding... Thats why I say its ok to take a break, its simply not going to be understood overnight anyway.. Hell, I'm STILL discovering new stuff after 20+ years. Not that I'm any sort of expert either, but have been through the process many times now... Its usually that you find some new aspect of yourself that seems different since death.. Sometimes even strange things.. Then that sets off the questions... the searching.. and finally the answers. And sometimes those answers can lead to further questions. Sometimes even, the answers to what seem such simple things end in very profound places. So when I say "we have work" I pretty much mean that your not really THROUGH this... Its just time to take in this first part of it... In time I think you'll have new questions about new things you discover, and my job isnt always to just answer them, but many times to simply show in which direction the answer lays, as many answers can ONLY be answered for ourselves... so a "we" thing, not you or I alone see?
As for helping others to understand, yes thats a part of it as well... And it may be that we have work in that dept together.. that would be cool... we'll see I guess. Remember what I was saying about us being able to sense each other? Well.. there is that, yes, but in time you'll find you also can sense those who are most in need of your help in particular. As long as these things keep happening, then there will be those who need your help, those who need mine, those who need someone other then either of us, and perhaps those who can benefit most from both of our help... Its why I was so animate that you reach me dear... Of all the "travelers" in ya thread, there where a couple other naturals... Richard was one, but I already knew that he was not in need of ME, and there was an LOP Guest, who may or may not be, so i left the door open for them if they choose....But you, I just "knew" I was in a position to help.
LOL.. I HOPE that doesnt sound too crazy... Had we both not been through this, and i read that, I would think I was a nutter LOL
Anyway.. It'll probably be awhile before you feel any sort of calling to help someone else through it all... The universe seems pretty wise in that respect and only leads us to help others once we ourselves are through with the hardest parts... Sort of like a cosmic support group ya know, where even the experienced are never asked more then they can handle. When it does start happening keep in mind that it is just as therapeutic for ourselves as it is for the "newbies"... And theres NEVER any kind of "pressure'... At least from what I can tell. So when things get to that point, its a good thing for all.
This is actually what lead me to the idea of starting a forum about it all.. Richard in fact, and the fact that I "knew" he didnt need my help... I'm thinking, well yeah, but we are always drawn together.. So if I start something like that, and enough people join up, maybe it could help people meet up with those who they are most "matched" to... Shrugs.. Still just an idea at the moment...
kalamity kool wrote:
Ok, I understand better again...lol, at this rate I'm going to keep you writing novels!
I always seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere.
But I know I'm in no way ready to help anyone else with these experiences, if that is indeed what will happen, you are saying there is a kind of attraction, a magnetic pull, towards others...I can believe that,
I feel somehow 'at home' with you, though I know you hardly at all, and yes, it all sounds crazy.
A foot on each side of the door..I suspect it's not going to easy.
My most pressing thing to deal with atm, is what to do with this longing for the love I had there. I had the longing before, but now I'm thinking I'll never have love like that in this world, and the thought of years and years of living without it just makes me want to crumble into a heap.
I can't live purely for a spiritual love, of God, he didn't make me that way, can I contain the longing somehow, what would help...?
Maybe I need to control my thoughts about the future, after all, I do not know what is tomorrow.
I am going to focus on a project I've had for a long time, an internet magazine, it's back online now, and I just need to back-up and upgrade the publishing system.
Stormson wrote:
Hehe.. I’ve noticed that about you! It’s like your mind is a sponge that wants to soak it all up as fast as ya can... Don’t worry, that’s not so unusual either, you’re a babe in the woods here.. this is a NEW life... Its totally understandable, but at the end of the day? Hey.. Just chill.. it’s all cool ya know? As much as ya want to learn, there’s no big hurry... Like I said, this is a life altering thing, but it’s also a life LONG thing.. And there’s MUCH more to come, so need to push yourself too hard...
Yeah.. a foot on each side of the door is a very good way to put it. But remember what Jesus said about that? In the world but not OF the world right? If ya hold that up to the mirror we live in, you can as easily read it as Not of this world any longer, but still IN it just the same. I am bi-racial myself... I was born on an American Indian reservation... And as a result, at a young age I had to make a choice... While BOTH white and native, WHO would I CHOOSE to be? In this case, we are the bi-racial children of the universe... We live in BOTH worlds... But who will you decide to BE? Well.. What did Jesus SAY? We are here NOW.. We are here now because we BELONG here now dearheart. Remember that He too, for a great part of His life, got up and went to work every day just like any other Carpenter would... I suspect He was one HECK of builder and as a former carpenter myself I can only IMAGINE how cool it would have been to study under Him... But my POINT here is, yes, we will always be in both places, but we know where our duty in life lays for now, and we have His example to show us that.
I wish that I could tell you that part gets easier... But no, we will always be zombies to SOME extent... We have to just push through and LIVE our lives regardless ya know? I will tell ya this though... For all the nagging feeling we have about it, there ARE some REALLY cool perks that balance it all out... You'll see.. :)
As for the longing for love... again, no honey... You will NEVER find love like that here.. we are flawed human beings.. flawed by nature. BUT!!! As you say, God didn’t create you for that sort of love alone! He didn’t create ANY of us that way... The sad truth is, men will ALWAYS drink beer, fart and scratch ourselves while we watch the game! There’s JUST no way around that LOL... And God help me, women will ALWAYS remind me that ya cant just keep stuffing things into the trash bag without taking it outside, and that my dirty socks really don’t belong on the floor LOL... But ya know what? As GOOD as that higher love is, its THESE things that make us human.. And being human is what our being here is all about... In a 1000 years I'll bet you'll look back on those irksome things pretty fondly... So enjoy them today while they abound... Because while SPIRITUAL love on that level is the ultimate goal, we are here NOW for those little magic moments that remind us that being human CAN be joyful as well.
The only warning I can give concerning that... and as you get to know me you will find I am MUCH better at what NOT to do because I learned these things the hard way... Is not change yourself in that category. Guard yourself as much as you always have... I went the other direction and sought earthly "love" to SUCH a a degree that.. well, I have some fine memories and wild tales of bedroom antics, but I also lost a great deal of time in my life to things that now seem rather trivial and lame... Seek love in THIS world dear, unless your name is Jesus then God expects it from you... Just don’t try and replace that higher love with it, as that will never work, and it’s a very sad way to waste time when the "one" may well be out there waiting on ya..
The future? Nah honey.. we get allot of gifts.. and some curses... from this, but telling the future isn’t one of them. If prophecy want IN you already then it won’t be now... if it WAS in you and you hadn’t reached a point of being able to use it, this could bring it out, but that’s not what I mean... What I mean is, no, ya really don’t need (in most cases) to worry about the future any more then ya always did... You still HAVE your lifetime ahead of you... There will be some pluses and minuses that weren’t a part of the time behind you, but all in all, life is still LIFE ya know? Just out of curiosity, how old are you BTW? I'm 43 myself..
Working on ya blog seems like a really good idea.. I read it BTW!!! I had noticed a few of ya posts before, but it wasn’t until we talked that I realized "Hey.. wait a minute, maybe she REALLY means to google her" LOL.. So I did and it was great! Don’t know why ya stopped! If no one else does, I'll read it!
Kalamity Kool wrote:
:)
I have to say, right NOW is pretty good for me, I have music, food, water and shelter and a fire burning in a chimenea (sp?) outside, there's nothing urgent I need to do, it's Sunday and I'm 'out bush' as Aussies call it.
And I have the internet!!
Thanks for liking my blog, the website stalker1.com is attached, that is the magazine I'm about to re-launch.
I did feel very - weird - earlier today, but I lit a candle and prayed, and it passed.
I'm afraid you have, maybe a slightly distorted vision of me, meeting me as you have just after I died ;)
The, ummm, earthly pleasures, I haven't neglected, lol, I'm 51, and have tended towards being an extremist, rather proudly, too
haha.
I do know there is someone out there for me, and it will happen in the right time. Just damn impatience!
You write really well, it would be nice to have something from you in
stalker1, if you want to..of course.
When I was 9 my family moved to Australia from Finland, I couldn't speak English, could only count to ten, I think I can understand from that a little of how bi-racial must be like..about discrimination I've learnt by having a daughter with a rare genetic syndrome.
I guess I'm scared this new 'differentness' means further alienations,
and there's no way it can't, I just have to give it time..
at the moment, I'm definitely guarding myself, I feel too vulnerable to mix with people much, but I know that will pass, because I HAVE to,
yeah, just like Jesus as a carpenter.
I live in the south-west corner of Western Australia, I have the forest and the ocean here, I know from past experience that I need to get out in it, I'll do a walk on the beach today, with wet-weather gear!
LOL @ the socks and farts! It's very comforting, in a strange way..
Happy Sunday
Stormson wrote:
Hehe.. Ya see.. I am very comfortable with you as well... But I expected as much... As I said, i just knew.. And it seems as a result, every time we speak there is something new to tell you... And that’s cool... Little faster then i am want, for YOUR sake, but cool just the same.. I seem to know JUST how far to go, and JUST where to say nothing and wait for your lead...This is good.
BUT... As light hearted as things CAN be between us, and dealing with this.. At the end of the day, it IS a solemn and serious issue as well.. it is for that reason, i will make you promise.. I drink sometimes... But when i drink, if you'd like to hang out that would be cool, but I'll take NO chances with your future here on earth... There are questions you may not even know you asked above, but i will hold those answers till i am sober.. You DESERVE that sweety... Fair enough? Ya see.. i Do love you little sister... And I am responsible in a way for you.. And you are WORTH being careful with.
It is.. well.. Simply a drinking weekend for us here in the states.. it was always so, but recently, it’s a DARK drunk.. A "forget what they did to us" drunk... It may well be the LAST peaceful drunk weekend that we have here.. We will see..
At any rate.. When i sober up, there are things above I'd love to discuss with ya seriously.. But until then i will only you, my very, very Kool friend...
Soooo.. for NOW... Have ya got video??? LOL ;)
Only joking hun... Though i bet it'd be sweet!
kalamity koolWrote:
yeah, the vid is sweet ;) !
Waking up here on a cold Monday morning, I'm wishing it was a drunk weekend here, though it's good not to have a hangover - how are you faring..?
I'm sad its a dark drunk, I understand it, we Finnish have it in our genes. America, I think, is in that pit from which the fire and power to burst out is built up...imho this time liberation has to be FOR ALL, not just Americans, and its no longer enough to be like a pseudo-cop show-case...I don't know, so please excuse me if I tread on any toes,
these are just some observations from outside, and I know its impossible to know what is going on without ever having been there.
One thing I am curious about (well, there are many, lol, about you)
is that I've noticed the truth just seems to come out of my mouth, worse than before (people find it very uncomfortable) I kinda see it clearer, or something..
I wouldn't have thought any less, than your promise, dear man, from what I know about you, and the way you are helping me through this.
(breathing in the sweet aroma of integrity here ;)
It's the 4th of July here now, so cheers!
I like your drunk talk, feel free, anytime, lol!Stormson wrote:
Had to snip again... old weak bullshit machine like the old wek bulshit guy behind it! LOL
My darling kools.. My TOES? THATS what yout worried about? Hehe...
No.. Honetly... Did I not a TELL yo9u I love you dear one? Did i not CALL you my "little sister"? hehe.. My toes? i have no feeling in them hun... As you say you only know a SMALL part of "me" But i have accepted you in TOTAL... We are family now sweety... and sometimes family is not ALWAYS so nice... so STOMP away dear one... My toes, or any other part of me, will never be insulted by it... I dont want yout o EVER hold back on ANYTHING... Ok? i am of NO use to hideen person... And YOU have no reason to hide from me.. ever.
SPEAK your mind little sister.. WHATEVER it may be,,, Day or night.. you are SAFE with me..
The rest we will work on when i sober up ok?
Your right about US BTW... Irt SHOULD be US... The so called "leaders of the free world"... We should be SHOWING the WAY..., We should be LIGHTING the way... Instead we sit here on our fucking HANDS... Dont ASK me WHY dear one... I honestly dont KNOW why, and i honestly HAVE no answer to that one..
Sometimes, I ashamed of my countrymen... And myself.
Kalamity Kool wrote:the drunk talk is pretty funny, I hope you won't regret it..and very sweet, too..
Who are you calling 'little' though? I could call you little bro, but somehow it doesn't fit, does it?
Yeah, we'll work it out when you're sober (and I'm drunk)
nah, joking, though maybe not..
I'm overdue for it, heh he.
I really do feel much more back on Earth, thanks to you and your expert guidance, you have a very wise and lovely way of doing it,
thank God you saw my thread!
I don't think I'm finished yet, though, so please don't stop!
LOL
Letting it all soak in, esp all the endearments :)
I do have more to say about America, all fabrications of course, but that won't stop me, heh, I take it you are a patriot?
Anyway, goodluck with the hangover if you have one, talk soon.
Stormson wrote:
Hmm.. Since it seems i have gotten into a little trouble here with someone else dear to me... I probably should make sure I'm up front here...
Yes, you are HOT sweety ;)
But you do realize when i say i love ya and call ya little sister, i mean like FAMILY right?? I mean.. sure.. Like i say, your hot, and if we where close I would probably to nail ya LOL, but I mean, you and I live, literally, on other sides of the PLANET... So that really wouldn’t work too well ya know??
Anyway.. Like i said, just trying to be up front cos it seems I have gotten myself into one misunderstanding already...
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Cool, I did think you meant in a family kind of way, but I'm in a kinda fragile state, and my heart responds to you, so things can get a bit confused.
It's good to have it clear :)
And thanks, it does me wonders to be called sweet names and told I'm hot, lol - really.
I hope your g/f lets you keep talking to me...
Stormson wrote:
Oh good Lord I’m sick today... I really should never ever drink! LOL
Nah sweety.. She’s not my g\f... WAS, and I still live here on the place.. But no, she doesn’t have anything to do with my life at this point? I mean I wouldn’t bring a woman home just cos I'm not like that and don’t want to hurt her, but eventually I'll leave here for good anyway. Hell... Her daughter, who lurks here sometimes, has wanted to get with me for awhile now... Of course I would never do something so low... But even she knows it’s over between me and her mom ya know?
And yeah My heart responds to you too ya know? But there is that whole planet in the way... And I get the feeling that right NOW isn’t quite the time for either one of us in that dept.... The universe knows when its right, and when it is, we'll both find the very one that is right for us... At least that’s my hope and have to keep believing it...
Hehe.. Still... kind of a shame, cos ya are pretty hot though...
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Yeah, I believe it, too
Right now, I'm devoted to getting my internet magazine, stalker1.com back up and running, the rest can take care of it itself..
I would really like to put some of our conversations up on there..
could change your name if you want...would you be agreeable?
I'd run them past you, before I published them.
Its just that the experiences we've had, are important,
I strongly feel more people ought to be exposed to them.
Hope you're kissing goodbye to the hangover by now..;)
Stormson wrote:
Well... Like I said, I don’t think we're nearly done in that dept... But sure... I wouldn’t mind checking em out first of course, but it sounds cool..
Hehe... Nah.. i still have some health issues I'll never get over, and hangovers just seem to ENJOY hanging on to me... I'll survive... But I may swear off drinking for a day or two.. Maybe even a week or two by the time this one leaves LOL
How are you doing health wise? How did the trip to the Doc pan out?
Kalamity Kool wrote:
The docs have a problem with me, in that I really do live by
'a little bit of everything is good for you, too much of anything can kill you'
(its a quote me and some Aboriginal prisoners I was teaching last year came up with)
so when I tell them I was drinking beer, and had a joint, they tell me I live an unhealthy lifestyle.
So stupid of them not to believe me, I have no health problems and am very fit.
But, I'll go and have an ultrasound of my heart, to make sure.
Just have to make the appointment.
I think I know what it was, I've been very stressed, that day I hadn't eaten enough for the amount of exercise I'd done, and I have very low blood pressure and low blood sugar anyway.
Underlying, my will to live is low, even before, I've always had a very strong survival instinct, so that worries me more than anything.
Not gonna think on it anymore though, I have work to do, and stalker1
is my passion for now.
Yeah!
I'll get back to you on it soon, take care
Stormson wrote:
Yeah.. The survival instinct is a problem... It’s basically cos mind and body know what ya spirit always did.. that life here really ISNT as important as it once seemed. Still though, it’s about the WORK ya know? Whatever it is you came to earth to learn or do, isn’t learned or done yet... If it was you would have been free to go then. And God help me, even KNOWING what is, is pretty much impossible! I haven’t figured it out yet to be sure...So we have to just keep plugging away until its revealed and finished, and THAT I think comes on God's time, not ours...
But ya know.. it IS cool in a way too... Remember that we will be THERE forever... Reincarnation DOES happen I think, but it’s much, much more rare then allot of people think... I think you and I will probably be finished here when we finally do go. We may just find in a few thousand years that we miss this little rock floating in space... How I know these things is a different story, for a different time, but I can say that enjoying our time here to the fullest really isn’t a bad idea...
Hey.. BTW,, you do know that weed lowers blood sugar right?? We got allot of diabetes in our family.. the whole native thing.. I don’t think our people are really cut out for the modern American diet... But yeah, one way around the blood sugar spike from alcohol is to smoke weed... LOL Probably not the healthiest thing in the world either. Anyway, ya may wanna make sure ya eat if ya gonna smoke?
Just letting ya know, I could be offline any time... I'll probably be heading back up north soon... Sometime between now and the 1st of the month or so. Same crap here at the house and I'm just not in the mood LOL
So anyway.. Just wanted to let ya know, if ya try to reach me and I don’t get back right away, that’s probably why and I will as soon as I can ok?
Nameste
Kalamity Kool wrote:
Thanks for letting me know.
I might have a major weird experience soon, and need your wisdom!
Not entirely kidding, there are a few things actually, that I want to run past you - strange smells - I woke up the other night to a strong smell, like a rat's rotting corpse, so I checked everywhere, no rat and the smell hasn't come back.
It was unmistakable though, I wasn't imagining it.
And, usually when I smoke weed, I don't dream, but its like my subconscious is more active, or more to the surface, and I'm having dreams more often.
Any light you can cast on these?
I'm going alright, trying hard not to get into my stress feelings, and to keep in sight that I will be finishing this job with my daughter in a few months probably, that I will have done a great job, and she will be in good hands after. Then I can be just Mum, and have more of my life to myself again.
I'm wary of people, though, even more than before, I guess in some way I'm still vulnerable, I don't want them to hurt me or to be negative, I feel like I won't be able to stand it.
Stormson wrote:
I'm sorry you're having strife, it sucks, all the best for harmony again soon!
No.. you weren’t imagining it... It’s one of the things we deal with. The smell follows us and just pops up from time to time... At least it does me. I always thought that it was just ME, as I was well acquainted with death before I went myself... But I have heard it before from others as well. As for me it’s a tad worse, in that I get the whiff of it like that, but when I drink too much ~I~ smell of the grave. My last wife (whom I have not seen in years BTW) first brought it to my attention and I used to be a MAJOR alcoholic in those days (and I was drinking the night I died as well, though that was some years before)... Once she brought it up, and I started to pay attention, yes it was me... One of the reasons I quit drinking so much... So don’t feel TOO bad, it could be worse... it’s not as if I smelled of roses BEFORE!
But yeah... It comes and goes... Doesn’t really MEAN anything as far as I can tell... I smelled death under my porch just the other day in fact.. Nothing there... But it didn’t portend any major events or anything..
The dream thing...I have very, VERY bad dreams and have for years... I have mostly trained myself not to dream in fact, so I can only help so much there... But I can tell you that my people don’t believe in dreams the same way as most... We have always held that they are every bit as real as waking life, though a part of the spirit realm. And of course, our spirit is much closer to our waking minds now as well... I would simply mark it up to that if I were pressed to say... I think you'll find ALL spiritual connections and intersections (such as dreams) to be a bit intensified from now on.. Sometimes that’s nice, and sometimes not so nice, but it’s ALWAYS interesting at least ;)
Yeah it'll be great when ya can settle down and just be plain old mum again... I hope that happens for you both very, very soon. As for the sensitivity thing, again, I think it has to do with our spirit being closer to our waking flesh now... Remember that we spirits ARE very sensitive folks.. It’s only when we put this skin suit on that we HAVE to learn how to grow a hardened outer shell... Babies don’t have that you'll notice, they must learn it here on earth... I believe that’s because it doesn’t come natural to us in the spirit, and is simply a survival mechanism of earthly existence. It'll grow back because it must, but a part of you will probably wish it didn’t need to be there, and simply sigh and accept it for what it is... Hehe around here they pretty much consider me to be tough as nails and much less friendly... But in reality I am who I am, and am only as hard as life dictates I must be... Perhaps when Jesus returns, we will finally have a world without the need of such armour.
Namaste
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