The years of being involved with God via the home hearth of the Focolare were all about family, bringing up children and making a marriage work.
The years, that once looked back upon, are all so precious and lovelight filled.
Despite the struggle, the grief..
As I type this, I'm sitting at a table in my now ex-husband's house, that became his when we divorced.
The vision we had for our family isn't quite as we planned, but the spirit of what we wanted, is alive :)
The house has remained a home for our kids, I stay here at times, we have celebrations in it, grieved the deaths of young men in it, we eat and drink together, and continue to love our children, and all the young additions. It is a big house, so last night 10 people slept here after a party, my grown-up kids, their friends and me. We cooked a bacon and eggs breakfast, with trimmings, I made coffee, and we laughed again at all the funny things from the night before. I have been so blessed.
These years of family also saw the beginning of my conversion to Catholicism. I'd been baptized a Lutheran as a baby, in accordance with Finnish state religion, much against the views of my socialist father, who subsequently refused to allow my sisters to be christened. My reasons for joining the Focolare (although I had no contracts or formal membership) were mainly heart-based, I had met real Christians for the first time, and it was compelling.
Their desire to love God in all they met, and the results of that mad, brave desire, were amazing to see,
and feel - they called it 'Jesus in the Midst'...
who is a particular presence of the Christ, generated when one or more gather together in his name.
It sounds rather foreign to me now, all these ideals and words and lessons about love and loving, that were held in the cradle of the Focolare, and I can't prove their reality to you, dear Reader, but - it was real, as so many have described, even in my most pagan days, I could never deny this.
In these days of anti-Christian sentiment, my experiences with Jesus run the risk of easy dismissal as brain-washing, fantasy, even capitulation to evil...I have heard it all on the conspiracy forums and from the mouths of neo-pagans, those who assert the validity of individual spirituality yet condemn mine.
Yet - this growing of a soul, would not have happened, without my awareness moving to consider all that Jesus was as a man, and as a spiritual entity.
It isn't magic, what he brings, but it feels like it :)
The house has remained a home for our kids, I stay here at times, we have celebrations in it, grieved the deaths of young men in it, we eat and drink together, and continue to love our children, and all the young additions. It is a big house, so last night 10 people slept here after a party, my grown-up kids, their friends and me. We cooked a bacon and eggs breakfast, with trimmings, I made coffee, and we laughed again at all the funny things from the night before. I have been so blessed.
These years of family also saw the beginning of my conversion to Catholicism. I'd been baptized a Lutheran as a baby, in accordance with Finnish state religion, much against the views of my socialist father, who subsequently refused to allow my sisters to be christened. My reasons for joining the Focolare (although I had no contracts or formal membership) were mainly heart-based, I had met real Christians for the first time, and it was compelling.
Their desire to love God in all they met, and the results of that mad, brave desire, were amazing to see,
and feel - they called it 'Jesus in the Midst'...
who is a particular presence of the Christ, generated when one or more gather together in his name.
It sounds rather foreign to me now, all these ideals and words and lessons about love and loving, that were held in the cradle of the Focolare, and I can't prove their reality to you, dear Reader, but - it was real, as so many have described, even in my most pagan days, I could never deny this.
In these days of anti-Christian sentiment, my experiences with Jesus run the risk of easy dismissal as brain-washing, fantasy, even capitulation to evil...I have heard it all on the conspiracy forums and from the mouths of neo-pagans, those who assert the validity of individual spirituality yet condemn mine.
Yet - this growing of a soul, would not have happened, without my awareness moving to consider all that Jesus was as a man, and as a spiritual entity.
It isn't magic, what he brings, but it feels like it :)
2 comments:
Wow Marjo i had no idea you were Catholic (haha that just goes to show that i have a judgement about what Catholics normally look like!!). My mum was lutheran, my dad Catholic. Although I have now moved away from the church my curiosity and belief in Jesus remains and I would love to hear more of your experiences :)
Oh Jane, sorry I missed this in June, too used to no comments, lol. Wow too, I wouldn't have thought you looked like a believer in Jesus either, we're bit of a rare breed really! I'm going to be blogging more in Sydney, I'll have the time to focus on it, thanks for the interest UGorgeous! XX
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